جرات ابراز عشق/داستانی که خواندنش خالی از لطف نیست

 
 

وقتی سر کلاس درس نشسته بودم تمام حواسم متوجه دختری بود که کنار دستم نشسته بود و اون منو “داداشی” صدا می کرد .به اون خیره شده بودم و آرزو می کردم که عشقش متعلق به من باشه.
اما اون توجهی به این مساله نمیکرد .
آخر کلاس پیش من اومد و جزوه جلسه پیش رو خواست. من جزومو بهش دادم.
بهم گفت:
”متشکرم”.
میخوام بهش بگم، میخوام که بدونه، من نمی خوام فقط “داداشی” باشم.
من عاشقشم.
اما… من خیلی خجالتی هستم ….. علتش رو نمیدونم.
تلفن زنگ زد.
خودش بود .
گریه می کرد.
دوستش قلبش رو شکسته بود.
از من خواست که برم پیشش.
نمیخواست تنها باشه.
من هم اینکار رو کردم.
وقتی کنارش نشسته بودم، تمام فکرم متوجه اون چشمهای معصومش بود. آرزو میکردم که عشقش متعلق به من باشه. بعد از ۲ ساعت دیدن فیلم و خوردن ۳ بسته چیپس، خواست بره که بخوابه، به من نگاه کرد و گفت:
”متشکرم ” .
روز قبل از جشن دانشگاه پیش من اومد. گفت:
”قرارم بهم خورده ، اون نمیخواد با من بیاد” .
من با کسی قرار نداشتم.
ترم گذشته ما به هم قول داده بودیم که اگه زمانی هیچکدوممون برای مراسمی پارتنر نداشتیم با هم دیگه باشیم، درست مثل یه “خواهر و برادر”. ما هم با هم به جشن رفتیم. جشن به پایان رسید . من پشت سر اون ، کنار در خروجی، ایستاده بودم، تمام هوش و حواسم به اون لبخند زیبا و اون چشمان همچون کریستالش بود.
آرزو می کردم که عشقش متعلق به من باشه، اما اون مثل من فکر نمی کرد و من این رو میدونستم.
به من گفت:
”متشکرم ، شب خیلی خوبی داشتیم ” .
یه روز گذشت ، سپس یک هفته، یک سال … قبل از اینکه بتونم حرف دلم رو بزنم روز فارغ التحصیلی فرا رسید.
من به اون نگاه می کردم که درست مثل فرشته ها روی صحنه رفته بود تا مدرکش رو بگیره.
میخواستم که عشقش متعلق به من باشه. اما اون به من توجهی نمی کرد، و من اینو میدونستم، قبل از اینکه خونه بره به سمت من اومد، با همون لباس و کلاه فارغ التحصیلی، با وقار خاص و آروم گفت:
تو بهترین داداشی دنیا هستی، متشکرم.
میخوام بهش بگم، میخوام که بدونه، من نمی خوام فقط “داداشی” باشم. من عاشقشم.
اما… من خیلی خجالتی هستم ….. علتش رو نمیدونم .
نشستم روی صندلی، صندلی ساقدوش، اون دختره حالا داره ازدواج میکنه، من دیدم که “بله” رو گفت و وارد زندگی جدیدی شد.
با مرد دیگه ای ازدواج کرد.
من میخواستم که عشقش متعلق به من باشه.
اما اون اینطوری فکر نمی کرد و من اینو میدونستم. اما قبل از اینکه بره رو به من کرد و گفت:
”تو اومدی ؟ متشکرم”
سالهای خیلی زیادی گذشت.
به تابوتی نگاه میکنم که دختری که من رو داداشی خودش میدونست توی اون خوابیده، فقط دوستان دوران تحصیلش دور تابوت هستند، یه نفر داره دفتر خاطراتش رو میخونه، دختری که در دوران تحصیل اون رو نوشته. این چیزی هست که اون نوشته بود:
” تمام توجهم به اون بود. آرزو میکردم که عشقش برای من باشه. اما اون توجهی به این موضوع نداشت و من اینو میدونستم. من میخواستم بهش بگم ، میخواستم که بدونه که نمی خوام فقط برای من یه داداشی باشه. من عاشقش هستم. اما …. من خجالتی ام … نمیدونم … همیشه آرزو داشتم که به من بگه دوستم داره. ….

ای کاش این کار رو کرده بودم ……………..”ا

+ نوشته شده در  جمعه سیزدهم اردیبهشت ۱۳۹۲ساعت 19:15  توسط maral  |  یک نظر

شسته بودم رو نیم کتِ پارک، کلاغ ها را می شمردم تا بیاید. سنگ می انداختم بهشان. می پریدند، دورتر می نشستند. کمی بعد دوباره برمی گشتند، جلوم رژه می رفتند. ساعت از وقتِ قرار گذشت. نیامد. نگران، کلافه، عصبی شدم. شاخه گلی که دستم بود سَرْ خَم کرده داشت می پژمرد.
طاقتم طاق شد. از جام بلند شدم ناراحتیم را خالی کردم سرِ کلاغ ها.
گل را هم انداختم زمین، پاسارَش کردم. گَند زدم بهش. گل برگ هاش کَنده، پخش، لهیده شد. بعد، یقه ی پالتوم را دادم بالا، دست هام را کردم تو جیب هاش، راهم را کشیدم رفتم. نرسیده به درِ پارک، صِداش از پشتِ سر آمد.
صدای تندِ قدم هاش و صِدای نَفَس نَفَس هاش هم.

برنگشتم به رووش. حتی برای دعوا، مُرافعه، قهر. از در خارج شدم. خیابان را به دو گذشتم. هنوز داشت پُشتم می آمد. صدا پاشنه ی چکمه هاش را می شنیدم. می دوید صِدام می کرد.
آن طرفِ خیابان، ایستادم جلو ماشین. هنوز پُشتَ م بِش بود. کلید انداختَ م در را باز کنم، بنشینم، بروم. برای همیشه. باز کرده نکرده، صدای بووق – ترمزی شدید و فریاد – ناله ای کوتاه ریخت تو گوش هام – تو جانم.
تندی برگشتم. دیدمش. پخشِ خیابان شده بود. به روو افتاده بود جلو ماشینی که بِش زده بود و راننده ش هم داشت توو سرِ خودش می زد. سرش خورده بود روو آسفالت، پُکیده بود و خون، راه کشیده بود می رفت سمتِ جوویِ کنارِ خیابان.
ترس خورده – هول دویدم طرفش. بالا سرش ایستادم.
مبهوت.
گیج.
مَنگ.
هاج و واج نِگاش کردم.
توو دستِچپش بسته ی کوچکی بود. کادو پیچ. محکم چسبیده بودش. نِگام رفت ماند روو آستینِ مانتوش که بالا شده، ساعتَ ش پیدا بود. چهار و پنج دقیقه. نگام برگشت ساعت خودم را سُکید.
چهار و چهل و پنج دقیقه!
گیج درب و داغان نگا ساعت راننده ی بخت برگشته کردم. عدلْ چهار و پنج دقیقه بود!!

+ نوشته شده در  جمعه سیزدهم اردیبهشت ۱۳۹۲ساعت 18:48  توسط maral  |  نظر بدهید

این دو نفر چند سالی بود که باهم دوست بودن و خیلی هم دیگرو دوست داشتن ولی خیلی کم میتونستن هم دیگرو ببینن چون مادر پدر دختره خیلی بهش گیر میدادن و روش حساس بودند و نمیذاشتند زیاد بره بیرون . یک روز پدر دختره می فهمه که دخترش (ساناز) دوست پسر داره و گوشیشو ازش می گیره یه چند روزی هم از خونه نمی زاره بره بیرون . دوست پسرساناز (کیارش) می بینه که گوشی ساناز چند روزیه که خاموشه و خبری ازش نیست کیارش دیونه می شه نمی دونه چی کار کنه بعد به ذهنش می زنه ومیگه برم جلوی مدرسه شاید بتونم ببینمش ودلیل رو ازش بپرسم ولی هر وقت می رفت جلوی مدرسه می دید که ساناز زودتر زنگشون خرده و پدرش اومده دنبالش رفته تا یه روزی زودتر میره و می بینه ساناز جلوی در مدرسه وایستاده و منتظر باباشه میره نزدیک که باهاش صحبت کنه از این طرف شانس بد پسره بابای دختره می یاد و ساناز سوار ماشین میشه و میره کیارش تا یک ماه نتونست ببینتش تا یک روز ساناز کلاس تقویتی تو مدرسه داشت که کیارش رفت دید که ساناز با دوستاش داره میره ساندویچی وبرای ناهارشون ساندویچ بگیرن وقتی که ساناز وارد ساندویچی شد کیارش هم رفت تو ساناز وقتی کیارشو دید زبونش بند اومد وجریان رو واسه کیارش تعریف کرد و گفت:

ادامه مطلب

+ نوشته شده در  جمعه سیزدهم اردیبهشت ۱۳۹۲ساعت 18:38  توسط maral  |  نظر بدهید

چشمای مغرورش هیچوقت از یادم نمیره .
رنگ چشاش آبی بود .
رنگ آسمونی که ظهر تابستون داره . داغ داغ…
وقتی موهای طلاییشو شونه می کرد دوست داشتم دستامو زیر موهاش بگیرم
مبادا که یه تار مو از سرش کم بشه .
دوستش داشتم .
لباش همیشه سرخ بود .
مثل گل سرخ حیاط . مثل یه غنچه …
وقتی می خندید و دندونای سفیدش بیرون می زد اونقدرمعصوم و دوست داشتنی می شد که اشک توی چشمام جمع میشد.
دوست داشتم فقط بهش نگاه کنم .
دیوونم کرده بود .
اونم دیوونه بود .
مثل بچه ها هر کاری می خواست می کرد .
دوست داشت من به لباش روژ لب بمالم .
می دونست وقتی نگام می کنه دستام می لرزه .
اونوقت دور لباش هم قرمز می شد .
بعد می خندید . می خندید و…

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